What
is sexual orientation? Sexual
orientation is determined by the sex or sexes you are romantically,
physically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to. Heterosexuals
are individuals attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals are individuals
who are attracted to the same sex, while bisexuals are people who
are attracted to both sexes. Homosexual men are usually referred
to as gay while homosexual women are referred to as lesbians.
What
if I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is? Discovering
your sexual orientation can sometimes be confusing. Most people
don’t just wake up one day and decide their sexual orientation.
It takes time and it’s normal not to be sure. Experimentation
is natural - as long as you look out for the safety of yourself
and others. You may want to date the individuals of the opposite
sex or you may decide to date those of the same sex. Exploration
doesn't determine your sexual orientation, it just helps to discover
your feelings.
Do
I have to have sex to know?
No. You don't
have to have sex to know if you're heterosexual, homosexual, or
bisexual. Some people never have sex in their entire life, but they
know their sexual orientation. It's better to wait until you're
emotionally ready and you find someone you care about. Sex can create
more confusion then it can resolve. There are many ways to share
intimacy with someone you care about, such as talking, spending
time together, hugging, kissing, massaging, and holding hands. If
you decide to have sex, it is important to remember to protect yourself
and your partner and practice safer sex.
Recognizing
and accepting that you are gay or lesbian.
Some people recognize
that they are homosexual early in their lives while others do not
become aware of their own gayness until much later in life due to
the many pressures society puts on us to follow a heterosexual lifestyle.
Unfortunately, our society still teaches us that same sex attractions
are negative and makes it difficult for one to explore his or her
own sexuality. One of the first steps after you recognize that you
may be gay or lesbian is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is about
feeling good about yourself and comfortable with your own sexuality.
This process is sometimes very difficult due to societal pressure.
As a result self-acceptance may become a lifelong process as homosexuals
try to integrate their life style into an often hostile heterosexual
world.
Why
me? You
may ask yourself "why am I gay", but no one really knows the answer
to this question. There are many theories as to why some individuals
are orientated towards homosexuality rather than heterosexuality
but they are only speculations at this point in time. Most of these
theories follow three approaches: 1) nature 2) nurture and 3) a
combination of both nature and nurture. The basis behind the nature
theory for homosexuality is that individuals are born with a certain
genetic makeup which predetermines their homosexual orientation.
The nurture theory believes that one's environment and experiences
can predetermine one's sexual orientation. Other scientists believe
that homosexuality is a result of both nature and nurture. The question
you must ask yourself is why is it important to determine why you
are homosexual? No one asks why heterosexuals are "straight".
Inner
conflict In
the process of discovering your sexual orientation, there are many
feelings you may experience as you develop self- acceptance. Because
the world is still relatively hostile and prejudice towards gays
and lesbians, it is not uncommon to feel confused, isolated, lonely,
guilty or depressed. Unfortunately, many societies make people hide
their homosexuality and as a result they end up living double lives
and denying who they really are. Experiencing these feelings is
normal. However, some feelings like depression, low self-esteem
and suicidal thoughts indicate you need some professional help learning
to accept your homosexuality.
Coming
out of the closet Coming
out of the closet is the term we apply to one's acceptance that
he or she is gay or lesbian. Self-acceptance is the first step in
coming out. After you feel comfortable with your own sexuality it
may become important to you to tell other people that are either
gay or not gay such as your parents. This decision is a process
which only you can decide and judge. You may want and decide to
come out to others when you feel you are emotionally ready and believe
that it is a safe time. The time to come out to others depends on
how strongly you feel about yourself and how much support you need
from those who care about you. The best person to come out to is
someone you trust the most; someone you know will not tell others
and someone who will not hurt you. Coming out does provide you with
a healthier self-esteem as you allow yourself to share your "secret"
about your sexual orientation with the people you care about. Just
remember that coming out doesn't solve all of your problems and
is a lifelong process.
One thing to
keep in mind is that while we would like everyone in the world to
be open and accepting, the truth is that there will always be some
people who don't understand. However, there are also people you
can count on - these are the ones to whom you should talk. Here
is a suggestion... If you are feeling guilt, fear, or worried about
your personal safety, then it may not be the right time to come
out.
If you think
that you are ready, then there may be some other things you should
consider. If you are thinking of telling your family, you may want
to think about the following questions (suggested by Pollack and
Schwartz in their book, The Journey Out - A Guide For and About
Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Teens):
How well
do you know your parents?
How close
are you to your parents and friends?
How comfortable
are you with your sexual orientation?
How has your
family dealt with political, religious, and social issues in the
past?
Is the timing
right to come out?
Are you economically
and emotionally dependent on your parents?
How safe
are you in your home?
Do you have
a support system for yourself?
How much
information do you have, and are you able to share it with your
parents?
Everyone's
parents are different. Some parents are accepting and open minded.
You have spent your life learning about them -- about their values
and how they respond to different issues. In the past you may have
shared your feelings with them. You may love your parents but you
may have learned not to trust them with personal matters. You may
want to consider when it would be the best to come out to your family.
Holidays are usually a stressful and emotional time, so this may
not be the best time. If you are hoping to receive financial help
for education past high school, then it may be best to wait. (No
don't lie, don't tell, college is important!) You may decide not
to tell them at all, this is okay too.
How do I meet other lesbians and gays?
You will find
gay and lesbians everywhere - in your math class, on the basketball
team, at the mall, at the library. Some homosexuals have found that
once they come out to one member of the homosexual community, they
are quickly able to meet others. Gay and lesbian youth groups and
support groups may be available in your area. Check out your community
to see if there is a youth group in your area.
BTW, This article
was sent to us by a reader, it is NOT entirely our text. We have
tried to find out where it is from, but to no avail. If you know
where it is from please let us know, so we can ask permission to
use it. We think it is very good information, so we decided to use
it. Thanks!
FACT:
One in 10 people are said to be gay, so that probably means someone
you know.
FACT:
Some gay people find it hard to like themselves in a world which
can be so hostile toward them. Meeting other gay people can help
you to feel better about yourself and realize that you are not alone.
See the resources on the web for a good place to start.
Worth
Reading: I have read both and liked them
about the same. They are about 6 dollars each and worth it. Click
on the book for more information or do order.
OutProud
-- The National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender
Youth. We invite you to take advantage of the wide range of resources
available for youth and educators.
Youth
Resource - Support and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian,
Bisexual & Transgender Youth
