Abstinence For You?
With all the
talk about sexuality, birth control and dating, it almost seems
like you're being encouraged to become sexually active. This is
not the case at all, unless you feel pressure from friends or your
active is a very serious decision and it has very serious consequences.
Unfortunately, many people don't consider all the consequences.
In the old days, the biggest consequence of premarital sex was pregnancy.
This is still a serious consideration, but the stakes have gotten
a bit more life threatening.
activity can mean sexually
transmitted diseases, one of which is AIDS, and AIDS can kill you. You can use protective measures like condoms
and spermicide to protect you from STDs and pregnancy. But the only
100% way to avoid unwanted pregnancy or STDs, is holding off on
sex until after you're married. (Assuming the person you marry did
the same and is faithful to you). If
you and your partner agree to this, then you will be each other's
only sex partners -- and therefore free from infection. But in this
world of ours today, there is a thing called divorce too, so it
doesn't mean that you will just be with that one person your whole
life. Just a fact and the truth.
It can be very
tough to say no to sex. There is a lot of pressure on you at this
time in your life and many teens feel pressured into having sexual
intercourse. You may think that lots of your friends are doing it,
or you may just want to find out what sex is like. Remember, sex
is not a test of love. You can show someone special that you care
deeply about them without having sex. There are many ways including
hold hands, kissing and hugging, listening to the other person and
so on. You can figure it out, it is kind of a thing that comes naturally;
this is something you should talk to your partner about. If this is something you can not talk to them about, then that does
say a lot about your relationship and perhaps this is not the person
with whom you want to be having that kind of intimacy.
Why would you
want to wait until marriage or serious commitment to have sexual
intercourse? Aside from the obvious reasons of avoiding pregnancy
and other diseases, you should consider the sacredness of the act
of sexual intercourse -- especially when it's your first time. Sexual
intercourse is the most intimate a couple can be. It is the complete
giving over of oneself to each other. It is sensitive, serious and
very personal. It should be a decision that you make after giving
it a lot of thought. It should be something you want to do -- and
done at a time that you choose. Sexual intercourse should not be
Some practical suggestions for practicing
Decide what you want to do about sex at a time when you feel clearheaded,
sober and good about yourself. If you have a partner, decide together
at a time when you feel close to each other but not sexual. For
example, try talking while you take a walk and hold hands.
2. Decide in advance what sexual activities you will say "yes" to and
discuss these with your partner. Agreeing to become sexually intimate
does not mean you can engage in ANY physical contact. Just know
your limits and when to stop.
3. Tell your partner, very clearly and in advance, not at the last
minute, what activities you will not do.
4. Avoid high-pressure sexual situations, stay sober and stay out of
the empty house or the back seat, if you are not sure the person
you are with will respect your decision.
5. If you say "no" say it so it is clear that you mean it. Don't offer
reasons or excuses for saying "no." Take the offensive. Tell your
date how his/her continued pressure makes you feel (for example,
uneasy, scared, offended, hurt). Refuse to discuss the matter further
or walk away from the situation.
6. Learn about birth control and safer sex, so you will be ready if
you change your mind. Always keep condoms and spermicide around.
Read our of "Birth
until marriage not only protects you, it gives you the opportunity
to develop a meaningful relationship with your future spouse, one
that is based on respect and true love. It will be difficult not
to give in to the pressures to have sex, for sure. Your friends
will claim to be having sex and it's made to look so common place
and acceptable on TV and in the movies. Choosing to wait is YOUR
choice, no one else can make that for you. Take some time and think
about how you really feel about your own situation and values.